Good shopping day 😊😊💰💰
(Please do not delete the text! I will be updating periodically, so check back regularly with the original post!)
I have gained a lot of followers lately, and to celebrate 1000 I would like to conduct a small giveaway! In advance of opening a Storenvy and Etsy under the margaretmargrethe name, I figured I would give something nice to a dear follower in gratitude.
The winner of this giveaway will receive one custom-made halo headdress with either gold or silver rays, and your choice of flower colours, absolutely free of charge, including shipping anywhere in the world.
I will be running this giveaway from August 1st to August 31st, with the winner being chosen Monday, September 1st.
- The winner must be following my blog (margaretmargrethe.tumblr.com)
- Only reblogs count towards a winning entry.
- I will be using a random number generator to ascertain a winner, you must have your ask box open so that I can contact you!
- The winner must be over 13 years of age, and be able to give me a shipping address/be willing to discuss what they want.
- The winner will have 48 hours to reply, otherwise a new random winner will be selected!
- Please no giveaway/spam blogs! I’d love to give this custom item to someone who really wants it!
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her—and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it—tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E., “How To Make Love” (via perverted—princess)
I know that I’ve posted this one, but damn this is a good set, I can’t help, but reblog
Birds Of A Feather | by Claire Rosen.
A brilliant live portrait series by Claire Rosen featuring vintage wallpaper backdrops to accentuate and highlight the colors of each bird, which range from the common Parakeet to the exotic Hyacinth Macaw.
As seen on: Honestly WTF.
I’ve been a slug all day but my makeup is on point so whatever I guess
In Pittsburgh, McMillan told reporters that he’d line up interviews with the newest Penguin ASAP and then excused himself. He walked out into the parking lot and screamed. From the lot he could see the Epiphany Catholic Church. He didn’t know it then, but the church would be the only building left standing on a block that would be levelled for an 18,000-seat arena approved in 2007. He didn’t know that the arena, the CONSOL Energy Center, would be sold out for every home game in the Penguins’ first four seasons there. He didn’t know that empty storefronts on Fifth Avenue would be renovated to house thriving restaurants, bars and sporting-good stores flogging Pittsburgh 87 sweaters; that the Penguins would skate in the inaugural Winter Classic and become the main draw on NBC’s Sunday afternoon broadcasts; or that the names of Crosby and his teammates would be inscribed on the Cup just four years later.
The possibilities only dawned on McMillan after the last Q was A’ed in the media room at the Mellon Arena and he went to collect some paperwork at the office. ‘When I walked in it was like the Jerry Lewis telethon,’ he says. ‘The phones were ringing off the hook. We had our people in ticket sales in that day, just hoping that the buzz was going to get some action.’
‘When we sent them home, the phones were still ringing. It was after midnight.’
Sportsnet Magazine, “What If…”
- With the anniversary of Sid’s draft day just past, hell of a thing to look back and realize what he really meant to the Pittsburgh Penguins, even from the very first moment of the right ping pong ball coming up.
William Shakespeare, Macbeth (via aieon)